Are We Undervaluing Management Skills?

Copyright (c) 2008 Shona Garner

There’s much emphasis these days on leadership kills. Almost every organisation talks of the need to develop these; and almost every manager or aspiring manager is encouraged to develop them. But in the race to invest often huge sums of money and time into leadership development programmes, have we forgotten or somehow demeaned the critical skills of managing others?

My colleagues and I spend a lot of time coaching, either 1-2-1 or in workshops, in a variety of public and private organisations, across all types of industries, and there are some issues which come up over and over again. Our experiences, and recent, large-scale studies show:

- Over 70% of people leave jobs because of relationship issues, and most of those are with their immediate supervisor. – Managers typically lose 25% of their day to unnecessary conflict, argument and misunderstanding. – Two thirds of staff feel undervalued at work. – Managers are one of the greatest sources of stress at work.

What does this actually mean for you and your organisation?

In a company of 100 managers, and an average salary of £40,000 per annum per manager, then the cost to the company will be £1,000,000 per annum – and that’s not counting the higher staff turnover costs, missed opportunities, absenteeism, low morale and poor teamwork!

And, for the manager themselves, they lose confidence, feel frustrated, and risk their reputation.Somewhere, in the midst of this concern for developing leadership skills, are we neglecting the need to ensure managers know how to manage?

You see, we believe leadership is about “looking out”. It’s about market awareness, about vision, and about strategy. Its vital for the organisation – but do we need every manager to focus on and prioritise leadership skills? Management is about “looking in”. It’s about managing the resources you have to best effect, in order to hit the targets set by the vision.

And the most important and expensive resource you have as a manager is your people. The manager who gets his/her people management right, will improve the bottom line for their company, as well as their own credibility.

The 80 – 20 rule? In our opinion, an organisation encouraging managers to focus on leadership is taking too many eyes off delivery – too much of the time. For very senior managers, MD and CEO level, spending 80% of the time on “looking out” is not only sensible, it is critical.

But for managers, perhaps the focus should be reversed? Managers should focus 80% of their time on “looking in” – on customer satisfaction, on delivery, and on engaging and motivating their staff so they are solution focused, productive and, dare I say it, happy.

And this is not fluffy bunny land! Happy staff – are engaged staff. Engaged staff are more productive, more willing, more open to change, more creative, more focused, more reliable and more flexible.

It’s my bet you have managers in your organisation who consistently produce exceptional results. You’ll also have those whose teams seem to consistently underperform, who take up HR time because of conflict situations, and where performance surveys consistently reveal dissatisfaction, both internally and externally with customers.

Perhaps we should redress the balance a little? Perhaps we should be ensuring we are adequately equipping our managers with the techniques, the tools and the tactics to ensure they really understand how to get the best out of people; how to not just manage conflict, but pre-empt it, how to develop and coach others to greater performance, and how to encourage their staff to become involved, committed and enthusiastic about the hours they spend in the office or in their role.

A 10% increase in staff engagement will rocket your results – and the beauty of it is, it’s an almost infinite resource. No other resource you have has as much potential to help you achieve better results. Ensuring managers know how to tap it is the key to releasing this extra potential.

Workplace Conflict: Raising Commode Seats

Why was the TV show, Seinfeld so popular? A sitcom that was self declared about “nothing’ yet so funny, why? In the episodes, the characters never said what they really meant, were emotionally dishonest, and often played head games. Could it be the reality was life-like and in its exaggerated form, we laugh at ourselves? Was Jerry and company’s coping skills really working for them or is there a better way?

Have you ever been so mad at your employer that you did something to get even? Being late for a meeting, talking about them behind their back, being overly critical, not doing your best, spreading gossip, or taking extended lunch breaks; these are example of acting-out behavior. Where does this behavior originate and what can management do about it?

During times of conflict, there are several methods of expression; such as being aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, or assertive. Some of these behaviors destroy relationships; only one style strengthens them; suitable for personal as well as work place environments.

Aggressive is the attack mode; it is in your face attitude either physically or emotionally. War is aggressive behavior where the causalities are deadly, but in relationships, the wounds are emotional. In the aggressive mode, the intent is to win at all costs and the price of victory is calculated after the battle when the bodies are counted or in the hollow distance of an emotional wound.

Battles like this happen every day in war-torn countries. Although not as bloody, emotional wounds occur on jobsites where managers control with power, bending others to their will. The command and control style of leadership is a lot about having a winner and a loser, where management thinks aggressiveness is the key to effectiveness.

On Friday night’s high school football game, you have witnessed the fear in a young football player’s face who knows he has incurred the displeasure of his intimidating coach as he slowly trots back to the bench after missing the tackle that allowed the other team to score. He knows of the tirade of condemnation that follows such transgressions and emotionally braces for the onslaught.

When faced with aggressive managers, employees may respond in a variety of ways. Some employees become passive and adopt the attitude of “whatever”. They learn how to do what the boss wants, just enough to escape the wrath they have grown accustom. Out of fear, they do their job with quiet resignation, being careful not to incur the attention of the supervisor and the resulting hot breath of commendation.

Are these employees productive? Yes, fear can be a fearsome motivator! During WWII the Nazis were very successful in using fear to obtain considerable production from slave labor. Are passive employees the most productive? Is this style effective in the long run?

Another response is similar to passive but with subtle aggressive component called “passive-aggressive” behavior. Here employees do not directly retaliate in obvious ways but “get even” by sneaky and less apparent counterattacks. Using this behavior pattern, employees adopt just enough speed to get by. During my command and control days, I asked one of my employees if he had another speed. He responded with, “Yeah, but you don’t want to see that one!”

Some employees respond passive-aggressively by stealing, spreading rumors, mocking the supervisor behind her back, or subtle body language such as the rolling of the eyes, deep sighs, or shuffling off to complete the assignment. These are all indirect ways of self-expression and designed to balance their perceived lack of power.

I once worked at an office that had only one bathroom that both men and women used. When I first went to work there, the office manager’s pet peeve was the commode seats; she hated to walk into the bathroom and see the commode seats up. She requested that I remember to lower them. For three years, I did a great job of lowering commode seats after use; I was proud of my ability and record of compliance.

One day as I was leaving the bathroom, the commode seats were left up and my normal behavior was to return and lower them. This day, I was mad at the office manager, “I’m not lowering those seats ever again”, I said to myself, “In fact, when someone else uses this bathroom, I’ll go in after them and raise the commode seats. I’ll show her!” Can’t you see this as major plot on the Seinfeld show?

It was at this moment I remembered a great little sentence, “If you do not speak it out, you’ll act it out.” I knew then I had to lower the commodes seats and go into her office and talk it out with her. The need to lift the commode seats was classic passive aggressive-behavior. Talking with her directly was the final behavior style called “assertive”. Direct communication was lacking with the friends of Jerry Seinfeld.

Standing up for oneself in an appropriate manner and speaking about the problem in clear and direct communication is a behavioral style called assertive. People who adopt this behavioral style do not have to play the passive aggressive game. Because of past learning, it is much easier to be indirect and play Seinfeld type games than to be direct and honest. Learning to be assertive requires awareness, practice, and most of all courage.

What works best? Is aggressive behavior the best option as in “Nazi-nurturing”? How about being passive and giving others complete control, or would raising commode seats work best? Would Jerry’s passive aggressive style of indirect communication improve productivity? Having a work environment dedicated to honest, direct, and non-attacking communication increases production and retains workers; the bad alternative is raising commode seats!

Importance of a Conflict Forum

A conflict forum is a place where you can discuss issues as you seek to explore causes of conflict and ways of resolving that conflict. Conflict in the world is something that has taken centre stage and everywhere we turn in the world, people are dealing with their own forms of conflict. In more recent times, conflict between Israel and Palestine has shown the world what states are willing to do to resolve conflicts. We may not agree with all methods of solving conflict but, we can seek to understand why nations do what they do; in a good conflict forum. The solution lies in having a dialogue and talking out issues no matter what your stand is. Forums have therefore played a central role in ensuring that the world does not have the problems escalate into chaos. As I said, many will have different opinions when it comes to conflict resolutions but, talking out is better than having people stay silent at each other. Apart from conflicts between nations, there is also conflict in churches. Religion has always managed to have its own fair share of troubles. There are many forums that have come up to bring a solution.

Church conflict forum is just one example of a blog that is both interactive and fun. It helps churches and their members engage in healthy conflict resolution strategies while they maintain the dignity of the church. There are many conflicts in churches and, it is only recently that the Anglican Church ordained a gay bishop. This caused great condemnation of the church and, the chaos and debate rages on. A conflict forum will enable people speak out their mind as they seek to explore reasons why the problems have become so great. Without such forums, people would act out on their sentiments instead of speaking out. There is nothing more satisfying like knowing that you have had a fruitful discussion with people who were ready to do the worse to you. All people cannot be changed but, you will discover that, when you share your position, you will be able to appreciate each other in a deeper way. Away from church conflict, you will also experience conflict in your love relationship.

Good conflict forums for relationships will enable you know some of the common pitfalls to avoid when you are relating to your partner. Relationships play host to great problems and, you will realize this when you get into one. Conflict in relationships must be resolved in a way that is going to work effectively for you. A healthy way of resolving conflicts will be the lesson you learn in forums. It is all about being available to joining the forums that are going to bring a good change in your life. We cannot live alone and, we need others to help us go through the experiences that have gone through. I cannot insist more on the importance of visiting a good forum. Forums for conflicts will continue to do their noble job of seeking ways to bring unity that will bind us all for a better society.

5 Stress Management Tips for Effective Communication

Not enough time, boss pushing for work to be completed, children are loud, bills to pay, shopping to be done, housework to do, partner asking for your help… and to top it all off you’re suppose to be nice to people by communicating effectively with them? Yikes!

If you’re like me, you find it hard to communicate in stressful moments. Stress management techniques don’t always do the trick. In response to stress, you either become aggressive towards other people to release stress or you become submissive to hide the stress.

Showing aggression towards another person temporarily feels okay, but then reality kicks in as you feel even more stressed from having hurt the other person. When you are submissive and hide your stress, it internally eats at you as your emotions get suppressed, which then hurts your relationships.

When under stress, your communication style will change in response to the situation. You can go from a cool and collected person one moment, yet when a stressful situation impinges your tolerable threshold your calm style likely shifts to the aggressive or submissive behaviors.

What behavior you fall back on in stressful situations is the one you have been comfortable with in the past that will have “protected” you. It’s a natural human extinct built within us that we use to block out external factors and listen to internal ones. You probably now are able to realize that stress causes you to block external factors, such as other people’s feelings, as your interpersonal communication skills decline. You begin to only worry for your internal factors.

When someone has surpassed their tolerable stress level, telling them to get their “act together” or how ineffective their current communication is, does not work. It won’t work for you either. Communicating better in intense conflict is a matter of managing stress otherwise it is next to impossible to deal with conflict.

Stress motivates us to take action, but it too often works against us. I’ve come up with the best five ways and techniques to manage stress that you can use to deal with difficult conflict:

1) Stop the stress from rising in the first place. The best technique to deal with stress is to stop it from occurring altogether. You can incorporate other stress management techniques listed below into your stress plan before you get stressed in conflict.

2) Breathe. When your stressed levels rise, you breathe shallowly. This causes you to enter the fight or flight response that hurts your ability to effectively communicate. When your stress levels rise, take several deep, slow breathes and you will instantly reduce your stress levels.

3) Accept responsibility for how you feel. It is tempting and too easy to release your stress on other people. Do not treat people inappropriately. If you treat people in a way they don’t want to be treated, you build their stress levels, which they will be happy to put back on you.

When you accept responsibility, you live in truth. you eliminate blame. You do not become a victim of others. You take control of your feelings. Your new levels of responsibility builds your self-control and ability to manage stress.

If someone causes you stress, you need to address the person by explaining to them how you feel, why you feel that way, and what can be done to fix the problem. Do not stress out the person by focusing your reason for being stressed directly on the person, but focus on the problem. Be problem oriented and not person oriented.

4) Take time out. Walking away is a guaranteed stress management technique to refresh your mind. If you can afford to go on a Caribbean cruise, go for it! For others who cannot do that, go for a walk or workout at the gym. Being active releases hormones that counter stress. Being away from the stress also takes your mind off the problem and gives you clearer thoughts and feelings. Be sure to address the problem after your time out, however, otherwise you will only have temporarily avoided the real issue.

5) Be flexible. Stress is like the sunrise and sunset. It is inevitable. Therefore, the best way to deal with it is to change your behavior and communication. You need to be able to recognize when others are stressed by reading their verbal and nonverbal language then adjust yourself accordingly. Be flexible by going a bit out of your way for them to assist their temporary needs and wants. Don’t run around the world for them, but do be more aware and respondent of them. This can lead you to less stress.

Bonus Tip: Ask others about your responses in stressful moments. It is useful to ask others what you do when you enter that threshold level where you begin to block out external factors. Just ask them what you are like and how it makes them feel when you are stressed. You are to ask other people about this because assessing yourself when you experience heavy emotions is an inaccurate source of information.

Stress shouldn’t make you miserable. We were given the ability to be stressed to get things done otherwise we would sit on our lazy behinds all day. Learn these ways to manage your stress to effectively communicate, and you will better manage your relationship communication in stressful moments.

Conflicts of Interest

When people talk about conflicts of interest, they usually assume that professionals consciously consider these opposing forces (what’s good for them versus their professional obligations). Take, for example, the old lawyer joke, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how long you play the game,” which implies that attorneys are primarily motivated to maximize their billable hours. However, when lawyers are paid by the hour, they may truly come to believe that their clients are best served by a thorough, time-intensive process, whereas lawyers whose clients pay them a percentage of a settlement may be more likely to believe that their clients are best served by a quick agreement. These beliefs are not conscious or deliberately unethical, but they are biased by circumstance. Or as Upton Sinclair once stated, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

In buyer-seller negotiations, it is common for the seller to believe that she is selling a higher-quality product than the buyer thinks he is buying. In fact, buyers often believe that the goods offered by different sellers are indistinguishable from each other, while the sellers view their own products as significantly better than those of other providers. Thus, when a salesperson says, “Sure, I will benefit if you buy our product, but I wouldn’t try to sell it to you if I didn’t believe it was the best product for you and your company,” she may well believe this statement. Yet substantial research tells us that the seller’s conflict of interest (being honest vs. making the sale) can lead her to unconsciously view the world through a biased lens and to believe that her product is the very best option for you — even when that is not the case. When a seller claims that his products are the best on the market, and a prospective buyer believes that the products are indistinguishable from those of the competition, the buyer is likely to make sinister attributions about the seller’s ethics. When the discussion is over, the buyer assumes that the seller’s statements were indicative of unethical behavior when, in fact, the seller was falling prey to the psychological trap that Sinclair predicted.

The Problem of Agents

Conflicts of interest often become most problematic when agents are involved — whether the agents are investment bankers, lawyers, literary agents, real-estate agents, or some other type of third party with a stake in the negotiation’s outcome. Consider what happens when a real-estate agent advises you, the buyer, to raise your bid on a house even though your current bid is consistent with a rational assessment of the property’s value. Is the agent thinking only of her own commission? We would argue that she is probably not intentionally corrupt, but simply human, and therefore implicitly motivated to see the world in a way that maximizes her own returns from the deal. The agent can quickly think of past situations in which a buyer preferred to overpay rather than risk losing a house, or bitterly regretted not heeding the agent’s advice to overpay. On the other hand, it will be much harder for her to recall times when this was the wrong advice, even though this happened more frequently.

When you are planning to buy or sell a house, your agent will undoubtedly tell you that she is working in your best interest. But when we look at the situation objectively, it becomes clear that the agent is a third party in the transaction, one whose interests do not perfectly match those of her principal (the buyer or seller). The buyer who wishes to pay as little as possible and who is in no hurry to buy may have to deal with a well-intentioned agent who is paid more when the selling price is high and who would love to close the deal as soon possible. Similarly, a seller may be in no rush to sell, yet her agent devotes considerable energy to persuading her that it is best to make a sale before the market cools down. What can be done about this problem?

Due to the failure of agents to act professionally in many domains, including auditing, investment banking, and real estate, both federal and state governments have stepped in to remedy the situation. The most popular solution has been to implement rules mandating disclosure. The reasoning is that, if consumers understand that their advisers and agents have a conflict of interest, they can take the steps necessary to protect themselves. Are such remedies effective? Perhaps not. Consider that, in most states, real-estate agents for buyers and sellers are required to have their customers sign a disclosure statement clarifying that the agent will earn a percentage of any sales transaction. Most people sign the disclosure form and never again consider the actual conflict of interest between buyer and agent. Instead, they truly believe that their agent is providing objective advice.

Furthermore, research suggests that disclosure could actually increase the problems that result from conflicts of interest. A study conducted by decision researchers Daylian Cain, Don Moore, and George Loewenstein, participants playing the role of “adviser” were (in some cases) required to tell a participant playing the role of “client” that he had a vested stake in having the client believe that a commodity had a high value. As it turns out, this disclosure led “advisers” to feel more comfortable exaggerating their estimates; after all, “I already told them I was biased.”At the same time, the “clients” often believed that their advisers were more trustworthy if they had disclosed their conflict of interest. In other words, advisers would have been more honest, and clients would have been more cautious, if there had been no disclosure!

If disclosure will not help resolve this ethical dilemma, what are we to do? First, to the extent possible, try to solicit advice and expertise from people who do not have a stake in the outcome and who do not profit from manipulating your behavior or decisions. When this is not possible, try to collect additional information from outside sources that can serve as a reality check on the advice you have been given. For example, if the real-estate agent tells you that a particular property or region is worth investing in, solicit an outsider’s opinion by asking a different real-estate agent (a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger whom you have not hired) whether this advice seems sound. Finally, be willing to ask your agent to justify her analysis. Instead of taking her “expert opinion” at face value, try to discover what objective criteria or procedure she employed before making her claims. She may trust her “intuition,” but there is no reason that you should.

A final note: most of us view conflicts of interest as a genuine societal problem that must be remedied. We understand that conflicts of interest can contort people’s judgments. Yet we have trouble believing that they affect our own judgments. The truth is that none of us is immune. There is no good reason to believe that you will behave any differently from the agent, the auditor, the buyer, or the seller when you have conflicting motivations and interests. To avoid such unintended unethical behaviors, the first step is to recognize your own fallibility.

Copyright © 2007 Deepak Malhorta and Max H. Bazerman

The above is an excerpt from the book Negotiation Genius by Deepak Malhorta and Max H. Bazerman Published by Bantam Dell; September 2007;$26.00US/$34.00CAN; 978-0-553-80488-1 Copyright © 2007 Deepak Malhorta and Max H. Bazerman

Deepak Malhotra is an associate professor at the Harvard Business School, where he teaches negotiation in the MBA program, the Advanced Management Program, and the Owner/President Management Program, in addition to providing negotiation consulting and training for businesses worldwide.

Max H. Bazerman is the Jesse Isidor Straus Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School and the author of Negotiating Rationally and Judgment in Managerial Decision Making.

Strategies for Managing Change — the Project Manager

Introduction 

The title of project manager (PM) is used to mean different things in different companies.  Fortunately there is a standards body called the Project Management Institute which provides excellent guidance around the role and function of a project manager.  

Some will disagree, but I don’t care if your project manager is PMI certified or not.  You need to care about having a project manager with the skill to carry out the role as the Institute defines it.  It’s your change management strategy, and it’s your reputation on the line. 

Finding a Project Manager 

Do you need a certified Project Management Professional (PMP)?  As I said above, I don’t care.  There are newly certified PMP’s who have taken their tests and gotten the certification, but they may not be battle tested.  There are veteran project managers who never got the fancy title, but they know how to manage projects.  And there is everything in between.  The track record is what you need to care about. 

Do you have a strong PM on your team now?  Is that person well respected, perhaps a key opinion leader in your organization?  Do they treat project management as a profession?  Then by all means use them.   

If, on the other hand, project manager has been a title used by junior, untrained people who walk around with a task list and a clip board, it’s time to bring on stronger talent. 

Your fastest route to a proven project manager will be a contract hire, either from a reputable firm or an independent.  There are many good ones out there.  Get and check references, and interview at least three.  Let your key opinion leaders and managers interview them as well.  Look for their track record and for good chemistry. 

Set the Project Manager Up for Success 

Simply put, everyone needs to understand that the project manager is your alter ego.  Everyone includes you. 

Your managers and project leaders must understand that they are accountable to the PM for providing all of their tasks, their dependencies on other tasks and other work units, their schedule commitments, and their resource requirements. 

They need to understand that the PM will review all of their information and look for problems.  These could include missed tasks, schedule inconsistencies, resource overloads, etc.  Often managers will tell the PM that they can handle some of these problems, by working people longer hours or by overlapping some tasks “by a day or two”.  A good project manager is going to challenge such claims, and you’ll need to stand behind the PM. 

The PM is going to hold everyone accountable for milestone deliverables.  In most projects, especially those that are complex, milestones are missed and contingency plans must be activated.  Again, you as the leader need to support the PM as they hold people accountable. 

Handling Conflicts 

It’s entirely possible that the PM will have conflicts with managers, team leads or others in the organization.  Make it safe for people to discuss and bring up such conflicts.  Just because the PM is your alter ego doesn’t make them right — any more than you are always right.  

Engage your key opinion leaders along with the project manager and others.  Find out the facts contributing to the conflict, and make the decisions necessary to get the change management strategy back on track. 

Change management strategies that fail often do so because of poor project management.  Don’t let that happen to you.

Effective Communication Tips for Today’s Manager

Express your thoughts clearly:

To be effective in interpersonal communication, organize your thoughts. Think through what you plan to say before you say it. Choose the appropriate words that will best communicate these thoughts, and speak in the language of the listener. Strive for utmost clarity.

Be willing to express your feelings:

Those people who are able to express their feelings are more likely to be effective communicators than those who are not. This does not mean an irresponsible venting of emotions; rather, it means expression of feelings tempered with responsibility. If you are unable or unwilling to express your feelings, others may view you as bland. Your people want to know where you are coming from. Tell them! Move beyond merely exchanging data and information. Enrich your communication with a clear expression of your feelings about the issues at hand.

Put yourself in the place of the other person:

The effective communicator has empathy: the capacity to participate in another’s thoughts or feelings. Empathy is the ability to see the world through the other person’s eyes. It is an attitude, a frame of mind, which has a profound effect on the quality of the communication. Empathy is what helps set up the exchange as a living mutual relation.

Be “truly present” When engaging in interpersonal communication, many managers appear to be preoccupied with other thoughts. Their body language conveys the impression that their thoughts are paying attention on something other than the matter at hand. Don’t be guilty of this type of behavior. Whenever talking with another person, give that person your undivided attention. Even if you have only 10 minutes to give, give the person 10 minutes of your undivided attention.

Be a good listener:

It has been estimated that no more than about 10 percent of the general population might be considered really good listeners. That means that about 90 percent of us have room for improvement. It will be to your credit if you develop a reputation for being a good listener. Be an active listener and listen with understanding. Ask good questions. Paraphrase the key points that the other person has made. Check your perception of the person’s feelings. Link the elements. Achieve unity. These are things that you can learn to do. Great effort is required, but making the effort will surely enhance your effectiveness in interpersonal communication.

Postpone evaluation:

Whenever a new idea is being presented for consideration, many managers are too quick on the draw in evaluating the idea. Before they have really understood the idea, they judge it to be either good or bad. Such behavior tends to inhibit communication and may cause the manager to miss out on some promising ideas. Whenever a new idea is being presented to you, discipline yourself to postpone evaluation until after you have demonstrated that you fully understand the idea.

Avoid becoming hostile when another person’s views differ from your own:

Employees learn a great deal about their manager on the basis of how the manager responds to opposing views. (And body language speaks louder than words.) If the manager appears threatened or distressed whenever an employee offers an opposing view, the employees in all likelihood will be reluctant to challenge the manager in the future. As a consequence, the manager’s ideas may go untested, and some potentially good ideas may never be considered. Avoid becoming hostile to opposing views. Try to understand the other person’s views: what they mean, how they came about, and why the person supports these particular views. Then, when appropriate, try to incorporate these views into your own thinking, while at the same time giving due credit to the person who generated the ideas.

Be willing to change your convictions as new truths are uncovered:

Too many people believe that they have a “lock” on truth. There is only one way to the top of the mountain, and that is their way. Their own views are obviously correct, which means that any opposing views are obviously incorrect. One of the greatest challenges for you as a manager is to keep an open mind. This does not mean a wishy-washy approach in which you agree with every opposing view, but it does mean that you will hear others out and try to understand their views, even when the views are contrary to your own. Perhaps it will turn out to be a significant learning experience; you may glean some insights that will help you strengthen your own views.

Be willing to confront:

Conflict is an integral part of life. If we are encouraging people to be authentic in expressing their thoughts and feelings, conflict is inevitable; if we are calling for people to be creative in expressing their own views, conflict is inevitable; and if we are requiring people to work in complex and ever-changing organizations that have competing demands, conflict is inevitable. Conflict is not something to be avoided; rather, it is something to be guided and channeled for productive ends. Whenever your views differ from those of others, be willing to confront. This is essential for authentic dialogue.

Think win-win:

When confronting others, there are those who think only in terms of win lose. There obviously will be a winner and a loser. This is a basic attitude that has been ingrained over the years. Don’t get trapped in the win-lose mentality. Transcend it! Focus on ends rather than means. Ask yourself: In this particular confrontation, what might be done to assure that both my adversary and I achieve our objectives? How can we both emerge as winners?

Be a Good Manager or Business Owner

You cannot consider yourself as a good manager if your inference is based on the satisfaction expressed by your employees. On the other hand you can proclaim that you are a good boss if your productivity is better than the others. Being a good manager is to a certain extent a combination of those things. You have to be good with your employees and at the same time ensure productivity is achieved in order to sustain the successful operations of any business. There are so many theories postulated about how to do this but this article will give you a simple list of them, compiled from all those theories for you to refer easily. These are simple traits that are both practical and easy to implement by any manager or business owner immediately.

First and foremost trait is to listen to your employees. Following this simple aspect helps to achieve two purposes. When you listen to your employees, you will be able to know their concerns and at the same time, you will be able to know the state of your business. After all, the first people that will tell you how the company is faring are the people who are on the front line – your employees.

The next trait that you should possess when you are a boss is to welcome conflicts. Conflict in general is a bad aspect but it is very worthy when you know what all benefits it does for you. For example, consider a hypothetical conflict with your assistant manager who does not understand or support your idea. To get some benefit out of this conflict, talk to the assistant manager and ask for a detailed explanation proving that the idea is wrong. This will correct your mistakes and help you to learn new things. On the other hand, if your assistant manager is wrong, you can explain everything to him and correct him. If your assistant manager improves, it will be beneficial to your business. Hence conflicts can aid in helping and improving the knowledge of each other.

The third trait expected in you is to be firm in you decisions. This trait is more powerful than what you expect it to be. Once you set an example for the other workers by firing someone, they might begin working really hard for the fear of losing their jobs. But on the contrary, if they realize that you are just issuing a bare threat, they will be sloppy on their jobs and your business will be at loss. If you do not implement a decision firmly, your workers will think that you are under confident and will ignore you in your future decisions also. To show them that you mean what you say, get people to work by terminating those who do not perform proper work and have bad etiquette or who do not meet the standards of your company. This will ensure that you retain only the best employees and you mean business.

Contrary to the previous trait, where in you exhibited your firmness by firing those who are not doing their job, you also have to posses the fourth trait of appreciating and commending the people who are doing their job very well. There are so many companies who are efficient in firing incompetent people while ignoring those who do their job well. If you have a small business and you see good people, appreciate their work and provide complements or even a promotion. This will be an inspiration to other workers to work hard and prevent you from losing good people, especially to your competition.

These are the traits that you should develop in you as a manager or boss. Giving due to those who do well and punishing those who are not performing well will ensure that you have the company running in the direction of success all the time.

Conflict Resolution

Nothing is more dangerous than conflict
Those who loved each other once will turn one-day into destructive enemies and cause immense problems not only for themselves but to anybody who is somehow related to them. The conflict in the family between husband and wife destroys the lives of the children. Conflicts in organizations between an employee and his manager undermine the performance of the whole organization.

The conflicts could be between two countries, two organizations, two tribes, two departments, two groups, two individuals. One of the major reasons for stress, poverty, illness, and lack of fulfilment is conflict.

Conflict can be emotional, psychological, physical, verbal, cultural, social, political and economic. A conflict practically starts at the moment that somebody feels that somehow others are not behaving in the way he wanted; or they deny her the opportunity to achieve her goals. At this stage that conflict is quite invisible but has already created some kind of resentment. If this pattern continues to grow further, the level of resentment between the two sides grows further to the point where the sad and unfortunate consequences can happen.

Since conflicts are emotional and psychological phenomena they could be resolved by managing emotions and psychological responses. The people who are aware of the grave negative results of conflicts begin to address them immediately as soon as he feels them before they turn into serious issues. If you think of people who have committed some unacceptable behaviour, you know that they could have prevented these behaviours if they had acted on time before the sentiments of resentment started boiling.

Four Steps To Resolve Conflict

Human disagreement remains inevitable. When conflict is not addressed, each side becomes defensive, and a person who is defensive will rarely see the logic of the other’s position. These four steps will help you end conflict more quickly.

1. Look for some area of common ground as soon as possible.

Nine years ago, I owned a small manufacturing company. We had grown to the point we needed to triple our rented space. I located a building and intended spending a sizable amount of money renovating the space, including adding air conditioning. The owner presented me with an onerous rental agreement. We disagreed, continued to disagree and eventually broke negotiations. I lost a good location and he lost a tenant who would have spent money upgrading his building.

If your ultimate goal is to persuade the other person, you need to find some “common ground.” How are your two positions similar? What points can both agree upon? Tear down the defensive walls so both parties can find a logical, satisfying conclusion.

Let’s go back to my manufacturing company, needing more space. The next building I found was twice the size I needed. It was farther from my home and required considerable renovation. This time, the owner began our discussion by telling me how much he wanted me as a tenant. He showed me how the building had showroom and office space that was already air-conditioned. There was ample manufacturing space. I mentioned my willingness to air condition additional parts of the building and sign a seven-year lease. In short, we both looked for common ground.

This common ground gave us momentum to construct a lease to benefit both parties. Whenever we reached areas of disagreement, we found it easier to work together. He reduced the rent to match our budget, giving us access to a space larger than we thought we needed. I increased the length of the lease from 7 to 10 years, giving him a valuable, long-term tenant.

Using the concept of common ground, you can find your way to satisfactory conclusions much more often. To resolve conflict more quickly, look for common ground.

2. When you are in the wrong, admit it.

Are you always right? If you answered, “Yes”, go talk to someone who knows you well. You will likely find they have a different response.

I once had an assistant manager who was extremely difficult to supervise. Each time we attempted to discuss a topic of improvement, he began blaming his subordinates, denying the specifics or using the SODDI defense. You know… “Some Other Dude Did It.”

I tried discussing his resistance to supervisory counseling. His response… “No, not me!” This story has an unhappy ending. Since he believed himself beyond guilt, above slipups and never in need of supervision, I could not work with him. I can still remember his look of astonishment when I fired him.

In one company I owned it was my responsibility to gather all our vendor’s prices and determine bid quotes. In creating a large bid for a commercial project, I miscalculated one vendor’s price. Our final bid was the lowest and we won the contract. When ordering the components, I quickly learned my mistake. This error would cost my company tens of thousands of dollars.

As President I could have shifted blame and covered up my error. Instead I called my key employees together and explained what I had done. Everyone got involved in finding ways to save money on this project. We didn’t make any money on the job, but with the team pulling together we didn’t lose our shirts either.

Why was everyone willing to help ease the pain? It was because I admitted my mistake openly and quickly. I was willing to say, “I’ve broken this plate and can’t put it back together without help.”

The next time you “break a plate,” admit you’re human and need help. See how quickly others come running with the glue.

3. Admit one of your own poor decisions before pointing out a similar error by others.

My first job as a supervisor was at a residential childcare facility. I had been a childcare worker and was promoted over my former peers. My boss, Larry, had worked at the facility for years. He too began his career as a childcare worker and was now Superintendent. After my promotion, Larry told me, “You have a really tough job. I know. When I was in your position I made every mistake in the book. Would you mind if from time to time I point out areas where you could make improvements?” I consented.

At my first management meeting, I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to resolve several childcare worker grievances. I brought up topics which were not on the agenda. This tactic was not well received.

After the meeting Larry asked me to lunch. He told me when he was a new supervisor he took advantage of a visit by a County Commissioner to bring up some matters he felt weren’t being properly addressed by the facility’s then Superintendent. The Commissioner referred him back to proper channels and Larry was “written up” for failure to follow the chain of command. He pointed out to me how important it was to follow existing procedures. This allowed other managers the opportunity to gather facts and discuss the issues intelligently. I learned how presenting non-agenda items would be counterproductive because the discussions would be based on emotions rather than facts.

Larry consistently applied this leadership principle. Anytime he observed me doing or saying something potentially problematic, he would matter-of-factly say, “I remember back when I…” and he would proceed to tell me about his similar blunder. This indirect coaching allowed me to save face and helped me to not make the same mistakes. I continue to be grateful for the leadership lessons I learned from him.

Telling people what they are doing wrong builds walls. Nobody likes hearing they have made a mistake. On the other hand, people appreciate hearing they are not the first person to “Push” when the sign on the door reads, “Pull.” Admitting your own mistake helps establish a connection. Your willingness to share your experience along with the lesson you learned will be more readily accepted and their behavior more likely to change.

4. Mend fences whenever possible.

When I was President of a company doing wholesale work for the hospitality industry, one client owned a chain of restaurants. We had gotten verbal confirmation for over a half million dollars of upcoming business, but a couple of months passed and we hadn’t received the purchase order.

I asked the Office Manager if she knew of any issues. She indicated there had been some difficulty in an accounts receivable billing a couple of months previously and harsh words had been exchanged. The client had finally paid the account in full. When asked further, she explained she had made several errors in the invoices and the buyer for the restaurant had been very “difficult” on the phone. Our former bookkeeper had been “shouted” at and the Office Manager had “straightened them out.”

With a sinking feeling, I called the V.P. of Operations at the restaurant. He also told me their V.P. of Finance had dropped us as a vendor. Several of the projects verbally promised to us had been awarded to a competitor. He told me there was nothing he could do about the situation because the V.P. of Finance decided which vendors were approved for use.

After being unable to reach the V.P. by phone, I composed an email offering sincere apologies for the difficulty her department had experienced with our billing process. I informed her the bookkeeper had been let go and we had upgraded the position by hiring someone with a B.A. in accounting. I closed by requesting a face-to-face meeting to personally assure her I would do everything in my power to ensure the relationship worked more smoothly.

This principle sounds like common sense, but it is uncommon in practice. Relationships have ended with one party feeling slighted by the other and neither being willing to make amends. The longer you wait, the more the problem rankles. Someone must make the first move and that someone is you.

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